can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
