i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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