for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
