Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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