I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
