People in love make me want to vomit
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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