I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
