I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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