i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's blow job season.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
