The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
