Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
