I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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