she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
