I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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