just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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