Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
