Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
