You smell like stripper and shame
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just high enough for therapy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
