I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
