I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
