Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
