I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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