So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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