he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
