I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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