I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
