fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
