some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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