this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
