dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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