we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
