He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
