i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
