i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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