Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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