The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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