I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
