Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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