come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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