i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
