my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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