he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
