I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
