Small penises have feelings too.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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