So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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