I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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