I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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