I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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