At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Michael Bay diarrhea
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
