I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
