I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize