why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
