very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize