I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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