Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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