Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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