its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am available for nakedness
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
