If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
