It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
