what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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