You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
