Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Text me some of your sweat
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
