I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
