please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
