Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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