so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
