she was so not down for the gang bang
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
