I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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