I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
