are you still at the devil's house?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
