I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize