I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
