I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have aggressive nipples.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
