i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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