I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my sisters under your porch take her home
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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