there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My penis needs a shock collar
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
