just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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