Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
