I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
