i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
