This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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